A therapist’s perspective on emotional overwhelm, hormones and the importance of self-compassion.

There are days when the intensity of my emotions feels heightened. Days when something seemingly small can evoke a much bigger emotional response than I might expect.

Today, it was looking at photographs of my children from a few years ago.

As I looked at their little faces, I felt a deep sense of sadness, alongside guilt. I found myself remembering how overwhelmed I felt during that period of their lives and questioning whether I had been able to fully appreciate those moments.

There was a familiar thought: I was so overwhelmed then. I am still overwhelmed now. Have I missed something?

Rationally, I know these thoughts aren’t entirely accurate. I know that feeling overwhelmed and feeling grateful are not mutually exclusive. I can love my children deeply, feel incredibly fortunate, and still find the demands of motherhood difficult.

I know this as a woman, as a mum, and as a therapist.

Yet knowing something rationally doesn’t always mean we immediately feel it emotionally.

When stress influences the way we see ourselves

When we experience prolonged stress, it can become increasingly difficult to separate how we feel from how we interpret our lives.

We may begin to view ourselves through a more critical lens, noticing feelings of guilt, inadequacy or frustration becoming more prominent. Experiences we might ordinarily approach with compassion can suddenly feel like evidence that we aren’t doing enough.

For many women, this can be particularly significant.

The mental load of managing family life, work, relationships and the needs of others can leave very little space for our own emotional needs. We can become so accustomed to functioning under pressure that we begin to assume this is simply how life feels.

But there is an important distinction between experiencing stress and experiencing burnout.

Stress vs burnout: understanding the difference

Stress is often associated with feeling overwhelmed by the demands placed upon us. We may feel anxious, irritable, emotionally heightened or unable to switch off. Our minds can become consumed by everything that needs to be done.

Burnout can develop when prolonged stress is not adequately addressed and our opportunities to recover remain limited. It can involve a deeper sense of emotional and physical exhaustion, feeling disconnected or experiencing a reduced sense of effectiveness.

For women, this distinction can sometimes be difficult to recognise. We may continue to fulfil our responsibilities, care for our children and attend work, even when our internal experience feels increasingly depleted.

We can be functioning and struggling at the same time.

Perhaps one of the most unhelpful things we can do is assume that because we are still functioning, we must be coping.

The role of hormones in how we experience stress

Something I have become increasingly aware of, both personally and professionally, is the influence of hormones on our emotional experiences.

The older I get, the more I learn about my body and the way it responds throughout the menstrual cycle.

Today, I know I am at a point in my cycle when hormonal changes are beginning to influence how I feel. I am more emotionally sensitive. My body feels emotion more intensely, and my thoughts seem to carry a greater emotional weight.

Hormonal fluctuations can influence mood, emotional sensitivity, sleep and our responses to stress. For some women, these changes are particularly noticeable in the days leading up to menstruation.

When we are already experiencing stress or emotional exhaustion, these fluctuations may feel even more pronounced.

Understanding our own bodies can be an important part of understanding our mental health.

The importance of psychoeducation

As therapists, we often talk about psychoeducation.

Psychoeducation involves providing information about psychological experiences and the factors that may influence them. It can help us make sense of what we are experiencing rather than simply reacting to it.

For me, today, this information is incredibly helpful.

I can recognise that hormonal changes may be influencing both the way I am interpreting my memories and the intensity of the emotions I am experiencing.

I can acknowledge that I feel sad without automatically accepting the guilt that accompanies it. I can remind myself that my current emotional state may be influencing my perspective.

This awareness helps me develop a more balanced perspective. It allows me to respond to myself with greater compassion and acceptance.

Importantly, it also reminds me that I don’t need to immediately fix how I feel.

Sometimes, understanding is enough to create a little more space.

Learning to respond to ourselves with compassion

When we are overwhelmed, it can be tempting to focus on what we should be doing differently.

We might question why we aren’t coping better, why we feel so emotional, or why we can’t manage the demands of our lives in the way we think we should.

But what if, instead of immediately trying to change our emotional experience, we became curious about it?

We might ask ourselves:

• What has been happening in my life recently?
• Have I been experiencing prolonged stress?
• Am I getting enough opportunity to rest and recover?
• Could my menstrual cycle be influencing how I feel?
• Am I interpreting my experiences through a particularly self-critical lens?
• What would I say to someone I care about if they were feeling this way?

These questions don’t dismiss our feelings. They help us understand them.

And understanding can be an important first step towards change.

You don’t have to wait until burnout to seek support

As women, we can become very good at carrying on.

We can continue to meet the needs of everyone around us while quietly feeling increasingly overwhelmed ourselves.

We may tell ourselves that things will feel easier when work settles down, when the children are older, or when we finally get on top of everything.

But sometimes, the demands don’t reduce. Sometimes, the way we relate to those demands needs attention. And sometimes, we need support to understand what is happening beneath the surface.

Therapy can provide an opportunity to explore the factors contributing to stress and emotional overwhelm. It can help us recognise unhelpful thinking patterns, develop more compassionate ways of relating to ourselves and consider what changes may be needed in our lives.

It is not simply about learning to cope with more.

It is about understanding ourselves better, recognising our needs and exploring how we can make life feel more manageable.

Today, looking at those photographs of my children, I felt sadness and guilt. But I also recognised that I was experiencing a heightened emotional response, influenced by the circumstances of my life and the changes happening within my body.

I could feel overwhelmed and grateful.
I could feel sad and loving.
I could recognise that I had struggled, without concluding that I had failed.

We don’t have to judge ourselves for the way we feel. Sometimes, we simply need to understand it.

At Think Hive, we support women experiencing stress, anxiety, emotional overwhelm and the mental load of everyday life. If you are finding things difficult, you don’t have to wait until you reach burnout to seek support.

Think Hive | CBT & EMDR Therapy for Women

www.thinkhivehealth.co.uk